I'm sitting here in tears as I write this. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. My mom passed away not long after midnight this morning. She lost her 9-year-long battle with Multiple Sclerosis.
She got diagnosed in 2001. I didn't think much of it because, for one thing, I was young. Over the last 4 or 5 years, she constantly got worse. It got to the point where she couldn't walk, stand, sit up, clean up after herself, or even roll over in bed. She couldn't see, and she had trouble remembering a lot of things, including the names of me and my siblings. She was a prisoner in her own body, and it wasn't fair to her or anyone else in my family. It's not fair that she's gone. Out of everyone in the world, my mom meant the most to me. She was always there for me. Even though she was bed-ridden, she came to my high school graduation.
This year, she lost both her dad (in June) and her mom (earlier this month). That had to have been so hard on her. She loved her parents deeply. Losing them was hard on me too. My grampa had talked for so long about how ready he was to go home to Heaven. I miss him very much. My grandma had Alzheimer's, and the disease took her after a very long battle with it. I miss her as well.
Now my mom is in Heaven with both of them, and her brother who died 20 years ago. She's no longer in pain, she's not miserable, she's not bed-ridden. She's finally happy again. She's probably smiling and laughing and dancing and rejoicing because she's not sick anymore. I miss her so much, and it will take me awhile to get through this. I can't imagine a world without her, she was a big part of my life for so long. She adopted me and took me in and loved me. I have so many happy memories of times her and I had together. I have to remember them as best as I can.
My family and I need good thoughts and prayers. I know I've done my share of crying today. I haven't stopped crying since last night. My brother came up to my room and knocked on my door saying "Sarah, get dressed, Jenny has to go to the hospital to be with mom and you have to go to her house and watch Faith and Rachel." (By the way, Faith and Jenny are my sisters, and Rachel is jenny's daughter.) I sat and waited and cried for about an hour and a half waiting and worrying, not being able to concentrate on anything else. I knew she was unstable from what Jenny had told me. Her blood pressure had been dropping, and so had pretty much everything else. The doctors gave her liquids to try to raise everything back up. She had been in pain for the last 2 days, and nothing could help it. When Jenny got back to the house, she didn't say anything at first. I was sitting down, and she walked in, handed me a tissue (and got one for herself), and sat down. I asked her "How's mom?" (Or something like that, it's kind of a blur), and she got this look in her eyes that I will never forget and she said "Before I got to the hospital, momma went to be with the Lord." Then we both broke down crying. Through our tears, I asked her how it happened, and asked if she had gone in pain. Jenny said that her blood pressure had just dropped and slowed down until it stopped, and she didn't go in pain. My mom wasn't alone when she passed away either. My other sister Julie and her husband were there. I can at least be comforted that she wasn't alone. I will never forget her. Mommy, I love you so so much, and I always will. <3
No comments:
Post a Comment