Oh hello there *waves* I know I've been waaaaay slacking on posts lately, I just haven't had much to share. But yesterday after talking with one of my closest friends, I have so much on my mind and needed an outlet to share it, so I thought what better way to do it than with my handy-dandy blog?
So yesterday, I went and had lunch with a few very good friends, some of which I hadn't seen in like months! It was a good day. Then, one of my friends (who I didn't realize how much I missed until today!) pulled me aside and sat me down so we could have a heart-to-heart, partly since we hadn't talked at all in 3 months. I told her some of the things I've been going through emotionally, and we ended up talking for 2 hours (just like old times..)
One of the things we talked about was after I told her how I didn't feel beautiful or worthy or deserving (partly because my dad calls me lazy and worthless, but I'll get to that later), she started crying because she doesn't see me the same way I see myself, but there's no way she can convince me I am anything more than the way I view myself. I thought that was interesting because it rings true for so many of us; either our friends are hurting emotionally or we are (and our friends know no matter how hard we try to hide it) or sometimes both, either because of things that have happened or because of what we've heard from others, and we can't change what we've heard or what has happened to us, and neither can anyone else, and that kinda sucks, not gonna lie.
However, we CAN change one thing. We can change what happens in the future. We can change how we feel about ourselves. I know what I need to work on in my emotional situation. I need to start trying to view myself as smart, worthy, and beautiful. I need to work on my relationship with God. I need to work on my view on many things. It will take work, I have no idea how long it's going to take, and I don't feel very confident about how it's going to turn out. But I'm a persistent person when I know what I want, and I want to stop hating myself.
So, every day, I'm going to write down one thing I like about myself that either helped me that day or maybe something I accomplished that made me feel better about myself. (That probably doesn't make any sense, but it sounded good in my head, so just roll with it for my sake haha.) I'm tired of my dad yelling at me, I'm tired of feeling inadequate, and I'm tired of hating myself. So by doing this, I hope I can eventually build up enough courage to go to my dad and tell him how I feel, something I've been afraid of doing for years.
And my challenge to you is to do the same thing. You don't have to share it with anyone; keep it in a diary, in a private document on your computer, save it to your phone, or even email it to yourself. As long as you get it out somewhere. If you feel like sharing it, that's up to you. I most likely will not be sharing mine; if I do it will be a few things I share in a blog post, either something I'm proud of or something I'm comfortable with sharing.
So that's it for now I guess, I leave you with a quote my best friend told me last night:
Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
It's from Winnie The Pooh, but it has a great message. It was something I really needed to hear, because I don't always think of myself that way, but I need to, and maybe you or someone you know needs to hear it too.
