Realizations.

There have been a few things I've been thinking about since yesterday, which is kind of a nice change from laying in bed crying all day like I did on Tuesday. What I've come to realize is, God really does have control over it all.

How I came to realize this, was when yesterday I was out to lunch with my dad and Jenny, and Jenny's daughter Rachel came up. I got to thinking... Rachel was born about 3 weeks early, so Jenny's work (she's a nurse) gave her this month off. So I thought, maybe Rachel was born early for a purpose. The Lord knew this was going to happen, so He wanted to make sure Jenny was here to help my family through this rough time. I'm so grateful for her and I am glad that she's been here.

Also, I went to Church last night, something I haven't been able to do often because I haven't had a ride. Anyway, I went, and the worship team played a song called Overcome by The Desperation Band. I listened to the lyrics, and they really got to me, especially this part:

We will overcome
By the blood of the Lamb
And the word of our testimony
Everyone overcome

I was singing along and listening to the words, and instantly a realization hit me. I CAN overcome this tragedy. It's terrible, and my heart is broken. But it was in God's plan, and He will be my comfort and my strength. After worship was over, the pastor told us to get chairs (we're a small church) and told us to sit in a circle. He said he'd had a message prepared, but God spoke to his heart and had a change of plans. So, he ended up opening the floor for questions, comments, and discussions, and I got the chance to share with my close friends about my mom, and even though I ended up crying, it brought me comfort to know that they're there for me as well, especially when they surrounded me and prayed for my family and me.

Then, when I got home, one of my best friends tagged me in a picture of a sunset and put it with this Bible verse:

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." ~~Psalm 73:26

Truthfully, this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. God is my strength, He is the one constant in my life, and He will help me through this tragedy.

One song that has kept me going is Never Alone by BarlowGirl. Since my mom passed away, I've felt so alone, and listening to this song has made me realize that I'm NOT alone, that God is always with me.

I cried out with no reply,
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know:
You're here, and I'm never alone.

With my situation right now, truer words have never been spoken. Thank you for reading as I've poured my heart out, I love you guys.