Mother's Day

Today is an extremely bittersweet day for me. As most of you know, my mom passed away in October, so today is my family's first Mother's Day without her. Also, a couple of weeks before my mom passed away, my older sister Jenny became a mother for the first time when she adopted a baby girl, so it's also her first Mother's Day as a momma.

So can you see why it's bittersweet? Yeah I'm not sure what to feel today.

I'm of course sad because I miss my mom. I miss her every single day, and while it has been getting somewhat easier as time has passed, missing her still hurts. All of the first holidays without her have been rough... Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. and I think they're going to continue to be rough (for me at least) for the rest of this first year without her. I'm grieving her in my own way, and to me what I've been doing is a healthy way to grieve. I'll more than likely always miss my momma until I can see her again in Heaven someday, but days like today hurt because I can't make any new memories with her.

On the other hand though, I'm very happy for my sister, I have been ever since I found out she was going to adopt a baby girl. Jenny is one of the most deserving, selfless, and caring people I know, and I'm not just saying that because she's my sister or because I feel like I have to. I really and truly mean it. So far Jenny has been an amazing mother, her daughter is gorgeous and one of the best-behaved 7-month-olds I've ever seen. Jenny pretty much spoils her. A baby is one thing she's wanted for years, and when she first brought home baby Rachel I knew she was going to be one of the best moms out there.

I kind of wonder if all Mother's Days from now on are going to feel like this. A mix of emotions because I'm not sure how to feel. I think it's okay to feel both happy and sad today. Maybe somewhere in between? I'm not going to spend the day in bed crying, but I more than likely won't be jumping for joy either (especially since I don't jump). I hope Mother's Day gets easier to figure out in time though, because I don't like being confused about how to feel.

Oh... one more thing. I forgot to mention all of the people in my life who are mommas. My other older sister Julie, some of my friends, and various other family members who would take awhile to name! I love every single one of you who are reading this, and I hope everyone has an extremely blessed and wonderful Mother's Day.