Today, January 13th, 2011, is the day that my momma would have turned 59. It's her birthday.
I could go on about how much I miss her and how much I want/need her here, but I'm crying as I'm sitting here typing this and I've already said I miss her countless times, and I don't want to cry harder while I'm typing.
Anyway, I thought instead I'd share a few of the good times I had with my mom. It's important to me that I keep her memory alive, and that I hold on to my memories of her, especially since I can't make any new ones with her.
Before she got sick, she did so much. Like I remember when I was in elementary school, my mom would clean my room for me every day before I got home from school. She never said a word about it, I didn't act spoiled because of it, and I tried to not mess up my room too badly.
Another thing I remember, and this came to me last night, was when I was really little, I went to Church with my mom. It was a special Saturday night service, and it was special to me and my mom because it was usually just the two of us that went. I was too little to really understand what worship was, but I just wanted to be close to my mom. It was in the middle of worship, and my mom was at the altar. She really became overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit, so she was laying on her back and worshiping. I was in my seat where my mom had told me to stay, but when I saw her on her back, I thought something was wrong with her so I ran to the front and wordlessly lay down on the floor beside her, watching her until she looked over at me and told me she was alright.
One of my favorite memories with her was when I was probably 16, she could still transfer herself from her recliner to her power chair, and we were both hungry. We were trying to figure out what to eat, then my mom suggested that I go to the kitchen and see if we had the ingredients to make her homemade chili. We did, so I got the ingredients out while she got into her power chair and came into the kitchen with me. She couldn't do too much because she couldn't stand for very long, so I did most of the work. It was a fun afternoon though, just her and me, talking and laughing and making the best chili I've ever had.
Last year on her birthday, she was in a hospital, and she had gotten worse so she couldn't go out anywhere. My family and I went out for Mexican food in her honor, because it was her favorite, and we all went to visit her beforehand. She tried her best to hide it, but I could tell she was disappointed for not being able to go out with us. I know I definitely wish she was there.
The last time she actually got out of the house besides to go to a hospital or a nursing home was May 15th, 2009. That was the day of my high school graduation. She couldn't walk at all by this point so it was, you could say interesting, transferring her to the car so she could come watch me graduate. I can remember clearly walking across the stage and looking out into the audience to see her reaction. She had the biggest smile on her face, I knew she was so proud of me.
I would like to close with this:
Dear Momma,
Happy 59th Birthday! *hugs* I love you so much Momma, and I miss you every day. I hope you're rejoicing in Heaven as you have your perfect body and are able to dance with Jesus like you wanted for so long. I know Heaven is a beautiful place, but it really and truly is so much more beautiful now that you're there. I will hold on to you forever, and I know you'll do the same for me and Dad and the rest of your children and loved ones. Please tell Jesus to give you a hug from me, and know it's me hugging you. Smile and know I still clearly see it and know how much your smile brightened up the room.
Love Always,
Your daughter, Sarah
Thank you for reading guys.
